Missing Mom

Today is just one of those days where I have just really missed my mom. So many times something will happen and I think, "I can't wait to call mom and tell her that!" and remember I can't do that anymore. I lived in Las Vegas, NV for over 25 years and at the beginning of this year I felt impressed to move here to Georgia to be closer to my parents. The planned move was to be in July mostly because it would be the best break for Lady J and school.

In April my dad went to a town close by to get gas cap. It took 12 hours to find him. Shortly after that my parents went up to their time share in Northern Georgia and my mom called and said my dad was severely disoriented. I could also tell that my mom had been drinking.

Usually when my dad is having these problems so abruptly it means he has a urinary tract infection. He had bladder cancer in 1997 and although he had a successful bladder reconstruction and is in complete remission, he is in stage 3 kidney failure. I urged my mom to return home and have dad go into the hospital.

A couple of days later my mom went into the hospital herself. This created a sense of urgency for my move. On May 19th my daughter and I and the cat boarded a plane and flew here to Georgia while my best friend and my church packed up my house and shipped my belongings here.

One month later my mom passed away. Her stomach had been hurting so she had been taking Tylenol. Unfortunately the Tylenol built up in her liver to toxic levels and because her liver was so damaged her poor worn out body finally gave up.

My mom was more than a mother, she was also my best friend. I remember once as a teenager opening up her closet and realizing she had very few clothes, yet my sister and I always had new dresses for school each year, prom dresses, choir dresses, orchestra dresses, new pajamas each Christmas all hand made and other brand new school clothes we needed. It was my mom who taught me to sew and to cook and who gave me my first start in business when I would inventory the fabric store she worked in.

I always remember our home being neat and clean, but most of all I remember her laughter. My dad was a military man to the core and he was strict, but my mom was there to soften things. Her warm smile could make any day better and a joke could turn any bitter moment into joy. Oh, she was far from perfect! I learned right away if I missed the bus for school, NEVER wake her up for a ride!! It was safer to ride my bike the five miles to school!

I have moved into my parents home in order to take care of my dad, so everything around me reminds me of her. She decorated this home so beautifully and I feel guilty for having my belongings all over the place in spite of the necessity of it all. I am amazed at how much I am like her, yet I am painfully aware at how much I will never be as talented as she was. My heart aches for more time to tell her how much I love her and that I understand now the great challenges she was facing in her life. I pray that she left this earth knowing how much I loved her.